The Wings of Liberty Project

[mr. peasant]

Reading through Great Train Robbery to Media Blitz: What have you done with Mira Han?!!

In all seriousness, thoroughly enjoying the read. The twists definitely grow naturally and suit the characterisations you've given them. That said, the one thing that seemed out of place was in Breakout where Raynor was willing to sacrifice the lives of innocents for the sake of freeing Tosh's Spectre buddies. I understand it was needed as a catalyst to Horner leaving the Hyperion (or did he just resign as captain and is still onboard?). Perhaps it would have worked better if Raynor had employed some sort of ruse to distract Nova and calling her bluff, with Horner feeling it had been too risky/reckless a move.

Another issue I have, which also bugged me in the original WoL, was how Valerian just pops out of nowhere without prior introduction. Personally, it would work better if he was introduced earlier on as the new face of the Dominion or as a symbol for the Dominion's future. Maybe not in plot or mission but in the news clips, which I know you've deliberately not fleshed out.

Sorry to hammer on the negatives since the rest was otherwise very well thought out.

Also, perhaps I'm reading too much into it (and been hanging out at TVTropes too much) but

Hidden Content:

am liking the foreshadowing you've slipped in on Hanson's true nature. Am I right in guessing that you're going with the bad end?

Makes the plot mighty interesting if it's the case.

Lastly, I look forward to see what happens next. Wonder what kind of reception awaits Raynor when Swann and the Hyperion crew find out their fearless leader is now in bed with 'the enemy'. Hopefully, they won't be faced with yet another mutiny.


P.S.:

Not too sure about Raynor letting Swann be in command of the Hyperion - it's a bit of a stretch. I know Raynor is showing his faith in/forgiving Swann by doing this, but I don't think Swann has the chops/skills or experience to be in command of a ship. Maybe you should have had Matt make a comeback somewhere during the Zerg attack on the Hyperion and Bucaphelus to show his solidarity to Raynor despite being let down by Raynors decision at New Folsom and the fact that he's a more able captain than Swann.
I know that'd be hard to do considering the focus is on Raynor in your Mission 13.

I like the idea of Matt coming back in the nick of time, but I keep coming back to this feeling that I thought about it and discarded it for some reason. But now I can't remember the reason, so maybe it wasn't a good one! Hm. I'll think about it, definitely. As for Swann... the thing is, mainly I want Raynor to come in and find a replacement for Matt, because the Hyperion is going to be taking heavy fire so there needs to be SOMEONE at the helm while he's potentially on the ground. The problem is that there just isn't anyone besides Swann. He and Matt are the only two core Raiders other than Raynor, and it's too early for Matt to come back seeing as how Raynor hasn't begun to see the error of his ways just yet. But I'll keep these scenes in mind for re-writes.

I think it's a given that Horner will return at some point in the campaign. However, I think it should be saved for a more desperate situation with Horner and whoever he brings arriving at the nick of time and coming off like big damn heroes.

Hidden Content:

If it was up to me, it would be definitely after the purging of the infected colonists since that too might be a touch too dark for the idealistic Horner. And I dunno... I can't get the picture of Horner showing up at Char with a brand spanking new Battlecruiser that he won in a poker game out of my head. Along with his 'other winning', of course.

I can just see it now:

Matt: Looks like you need a hand, sir.
Jim: Matt, aren't you a sight for sore eyes. And where in Sam Hill did you find a Battlecruiser?
Matt: Won it in a poker game at Deadman's Port.
Mira: That's not all you won, my dear Matthew. <cheerfully> Mira Horner reporting for duty.
Jim: <after a short pause> Wait, was that...?
Matt: <through gritter teeth> Long... story... sir.

[pure.Wasted]

In all seriousness, thoroughly enjoying the read. The twists definitely grow naturally and suit the characterisations you've given them. That said, the one thing that seemed out of place was in Breakout where Raynor was willing to sacrifice the lives of innocents for the sake of freeing Tosh's Spectre buddies. I understand it was needed as a catalyst to Horner leaving the Hyperion (or did he just resign as captain and is still onboard?). Perhaps it would have worked better if Raynor had employed some sort of ruse to distract Nova and calling her bluff, with Horner feeling it had been too risky/reckless a move.

I like that. We still get the tension -- completely justified, from Matt's point of view -- but Raynor doesn't cross that line just yet in a concrete way. This is better because then the downward spiral is more gradual, as opposed to starting at the deep end and then letting up a little.

Another issue I have, which also bugged me in the original WoL, was how Valerian just pops out of nowhere without prior introduction. Personally, it would work better if he was introduced earlier on as the new face of the Dominion or as a symbol for the Dominion's future. Maybe not in plot or mission but in the news clips, which I know you've deliberately not fleshed out.

I agree completely, and as you said the news clips which I've been avoiding like the plague, save in that one instance of converting "Hearts and Minds" into a news clip, are the perfect venue for that. I'd also use it to show a lot more of the Dominion's war effort, namely Warfield and Gaskerville, up to this point. I think that as funny as (some of) Blizz's clips were, they were a very underutilized tool insofar as enhancing the scale of the world.

Also, perhaps I'm reading too much into it (and been hanging out at TVTropes too much) but

Hidden Content:

am liking the foreshadowing you've slipped in on Hanson's true nature. Am I right in guessing that you're going with the bad end?

Makes the plot mighty interesting if it's the case.

No such thing as too much TVTropes. Case in point: I'm not just going with the bad end, I'm going with the really really bad end. Check out a particular cinematic in Section One for extra foreshadowy badness.

edit: not so much 'foreshadowing' there as it is some delayed Nightmare Fuel, jerry-rigged to go off in the not-too distant future.

I think it's a given that Horner will return at some point in the campaign. However, I think it should be saved for a more desperate situation with Horner and whoever he brings arriving at the nick of time and coming off like big damn heroes.

Hidden Content:

If it was up to me, it would be definitely after the purging of the infected colonists since that too might be a touch too dark for the idealistic Horner. And I dunno... I can't get the picture of Horner showing up at Char with a brand spanking new Battlecruiser that he won in a poker game out of my head. Along with his 'other winning', of course.

I can just see it now:

Matt: Looks like you need a hand, sir.
Jim: Matt, aren't you a sight for sore eyes. And where in Sam Hill did you find a Battlecruiser?
Matt: Won it in a poker game at Deadman's Port.
Mira: That's not all you won, my dear Matthew. <cheerfully> Mira Horner reporting for duty.
Jim: <after a short pause> Wait, was that...?
Matt: <through gritter teeth> Long... story... sir.

Wow. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to resist that now that I've read it.

[Sheliek]

. . .
No such thing as too much TVTropes. Case in point: I'm not just going with the bad end, I'm going with the really really bad end. Check out a particular cinematic in Section One for extra foreshadowy badness.

edit: not so much 'foreshadowing' there as it is some delayed Nightmare Fuel, jerry-rigged to go off in the not-too distant future.


. . .

I think I figured out what happens. Don't want to say it in case I spoil it for anyone else.

[phazonjunkie]

Very enjoyable and highly thought out re-write. Overall plot progression and character development are much more fluid, logical notably less nonsensical and hackneyed than they came off in WoL.

One thing I did notice though is the glaring lack of any TvP action (thus far).
If you're going to keep to your original goal of sticking as close as possible to WoL's established template, you'll probably want to included them at some point. And not just one or two 'token' missions a' la Broodwar either. Preferably several missions that contribute substantially to the storyline and with Protoss antagonists with actual personality, instead of generic card carrying dogmatic alien cliches.

Besides that, keep up the good work. Looking foreward to the final parts.

[DarthYam]

two things

1.) I actually liked the kerrigan redemption angle. The queen bitch of the universe would go stale (whereas coming to terms with her guilt and inner darkness offer far more compelling possibilities), the evil power controlling the zerg was foreshadowed in brood war (duran mentioned a "higher power" which is quite obviously dark voice), the retcon could work if the only thing dark voice changed was to focus entirely on the protoss (by all rights the protoss really shouldn't qualify since they were rejected as failures and the communal link that is their greatest strength is utterly incompatible with the zerg hivemind.)

2.) Why should this be really dark? Why can't their be some light sections?

3.) The side missions really aren't that pointless. the colonist missions allow raynor to save the life he failed to on tarsonis and demonstrate the effect that the war has on the little guys. why should hanson be bad. Also, hanson confirms that nova was lying about the spectres being psychos afterwards (if you do breakout before safe haven). the prophecy missions force raynor to face his hatred and accept that kerrigan really can be saved, valerians offer allows him to really make a difference, while the rebellion and covert missions allow raynor to overcome his cynicism.

[Karass]

These are actually three things But I totally agree with the third point.

While I think that pure.Wasted's version is great I consider the canonical WoL story to be no worse.

[RussianSpy27]

So, Karass, you wouldn't give Brian K and his crew any sort of constructive criticism about the story whatsoever?

[Karass]

Well, actually no, I would, but that mainly involves some writing issues. For instanse, I don't like Warfield's self-righteous bragging in pre-Char about how he held the line while Raynor (the guy who hepled save the universe from the Overmind!) "hid under a rock". I basically agree that it would've been better if Zeratul actually mentioned Duran in-game upon encountering Maar (although I think abscense of allusion to Duran is connected with the intrduction of Narud's character, who is linked to Duran somehow).

Also, we get to see a very little of Mengsk. It's no big deal, however, but it'd much cooler if there were more scenes with him, as well some interactions with Raynor other than than word-clash aboard Bucephalus.

I also have a little problem with Maar being (gameplay-wise) so relatively damn easy to kill. Of course, Tosh mentions it was "only the first of many", so Maar shouldn't be all that powerful, but he wasn't all that weak either (he mind-controlled an army of Protoss!) and they could've made him a real "boss"-type enemy in-game (in fact, Maar's AI is so stupid it barely uses his extremely overpowered unit abilities). The Hybrid units in In Utter Darkness mission were also somewhat underpowered (although, I think it's obvious that plot-wise there was no significant number of Hybrid attacking the Protoss on Ulnar, there were mainly enslaved Zerg), but we know that story-wise that the Hybrid are extremely powerful (their combined power was sufficent to destroy the universe!), so this is a problem with game mechanics, rather than story.

About Raynor's speech, I actually don't agree in the slightest about it being "horrendous". The scene itself looked somewhat cliche (in the way it was your typical rally speech), I agree, but Raynor says was actually relevant to the situation and - and there's no pont i denying it - the morally right thing to say ("but one thing I know - some thing are just worth fighting for). As for the rain pasrt, it's not something to be upset about, really We don't even have an in-depth understanding Char's climat, etc. to conclusively claim that there can be no non-acid rain (in fact, there are even trees seen on Char in The Ambush cinematic of SC1).

Overall, while I think that there are some flaws in WoL storyline, I consider it to be a worthy successor and continuation to ecxellent SC1 and its flaws are really not that sognificant once one factors in the fact that WoL is only a prologue of SC2 storyline (and despite that it's actually a complete story!) and a prelude for some even biger things to come.

[Turalyon]

Back on the topic at hand....

I wonder where the next part is due? Has Wasted given up?

[RussianSpy27]

T, I'm sure he's just preparing to finish up, just like Templar with his project...I hope to see continuation ASAP, but the more time they take, the better it may come out to be (hey that just sounded like I'm talking about game development :P). The only reason why I may feel that they don't quite have infinite amount of time is because if there is a 1% chance that Blizz writers will read their full essays (either here or on B.net if/when they post them there), it's better for them to read everything when there is still time for ideas to be utilized in the unlikely event they use some of them while making HotS.


Karass, not sure if you saw my poorly translated version of this review focusing on story on this site, but what do you think of AG's review? I'm guessing you disagree with it, but it's still well-written IMO