ATTENTION Writers AND RPers!

[Quirel]

Actually, I don't really see that as a negative point. It makes sense for all the characters (even canon ones) in a story's 'mini-universe' (especially for a short story) to focus/have a connection with the main character.

It's all in how it's played.
Connections, per se, are actually quite safe, because it gives more room to retain the CC's personalities.

Having the character as the focus is a whole 'nother ball of wax, hein? In this respect, far too many FF authors give (Consciously or not) their OCs personality-warping auras.

Otherwise, why have them in the story in the first place? It's if they act out of character because of it that it is a problem. And in this case, it actually does fit their respective personalities to go after her.

Duran. Seducing. Her.

That's mostly what I was focusing on...

I am generally very wary of these 'How to create a character' guides. When not used properly (which is often the case since those who do generally don't bother using them), people often wind up with Anti-Sues (in a deliberate attempt to avoid creating a Mary Sue) or very artificial-feeling characters since they just draw up a table with a list of positive and negative traits that have no bearing on one another. Personally, I dislike character engineering and prefer a more organic approach.

I don't know.
I don't really see it as character engineering or "How to create a character". Mostly, what Limyaael does is point out tropes that people use, and gets people to think about them. If you're creating unoriginal characters from a 'HTCACG', it's because you still aren't thinking about what you're putting into your character. You're just picking up a shopping cart, walking down the supermarket aisle of Characterization, and picking out traits at random.

My advice is to start with a few basic traits or a concept of a character and then build from there, by filling the details of the consequences of those traits or how those traits arise. Then, build it up layer by layer. You'd be surprised how rounded a character you actually have on your hands without realising it. All characters can be rounded. It all depends on how deep you look and how you choose to develop them.

Agreed.

Using LyLunah's character as an example, she is said to be a brilliant strategist. What other traits go well with it?

Well, if she's partly Infested, perhaps she has a mild penchant for Human Wave tactics? I mean, she probably doesn't drop the hammer every time someone coughs, but she has a slightly harder time seeing casualties as a tragedy?

If so, how would the people beneath her relate to her? Certainly, nobody likes working for someone who makes great sacrifices (other people's, natch) to gain her objectives. Take a look at Ulysses S. Grant. Even though his constant hammering was draining his forces faster than they were draining the Confederate forces (Confederates... another corrolary!), those tactics won the war. Didn't make him popular.

And if she has the "Mind of a Protoss", or perhaps even Zerg characteristics, how would she relate to Ghosts? In one of the mission breifings, they were talking about how drawn the Zerg are to psionics, and Ghosts emmitted psionic signatures that covered a good-sized area, certainly as big an area as the Hyperion. And if Raynor has Ghosts, will any of them be able to sense the difference between a human and an infested?

And if she has some Zerg biology, how does that affect how she goes to the doctor? Does she avoid conflicts because of the risk of being discovered that way? Would that conflict with her Zerg-like instincts? What kind of medical screening does Raynor have on the Hyperion? One might imagine that Zerg Parasites and spores might be a problem after engagements...

I left out the Protoss bit for the most part, as that was rather vague.

[LyLunah]

Alright well As i might have stated that Idea was merely a rough draft. I've been looking at all of your suggestions and Ideas.. That was why I wanted co-writers to help with this. I have bene told that a few of my characters lean that way and I want the help to make it not so.. She does have a lot of flaws..

Such as:

She really doesn't see deaths as a tragedy, She avoids the Doctor altogether because she hides what she is From everyone she can. I originally wanted to say that she could hide what she is to ghost.. But Im limiting it to only powerful Ghosts, ya know like ones that have the experience and know how to breach mental barriers Those kinds, it still means she can be foudn out even by Protoss such as Zeratul, ARtanis, etc I am currently writing a little Prolouge as it is, Fleshing out her Background and giving a general start to the Story. When I post it I would love to have everyone's Feedback, for that is the only way to grow as a writer.

In another standpoint, Yes I said she is beautiful, She is similar to the looks of Kerrigan (who I thought as beautiful both Terran and infested forms) I say her outer appearence ahsn't been that noticeable on the grounds of saying Duran possibly got better at his Experiments to not make it so noticeable (again ill work that out with someone that knows the Character very well)

I refuse to have my character fully become a Mary sue so I do urge people to give me Advice. the prolouge should be up in a couple Days if not soon.

[LyLunah]

WEll Guys here's the Prolouge I have written, I'd LOVE the Feedback so do give Constructive Critique only please.

The Creation of Illyanna

Over the many decades I have seen and dealt with a lot of strange things, I was a trained ghost, but I had become something much more. My name is Illyanna, and I am a hybrid. To put point blank and simple, I am a combination, an experiment created by Samir Duran in all his insanity. As a Terran born with psychic Abilities, naturally I was put into the Ghost program by the damned confederates. I will take you now back in time to where it all began...
I was a Ghost, fresh out of the Academy, Assigned to a man whose name I cannot recall. He was cruel, an asshole to the Nth degree, I hated him. My mind was sharp and I had always been Cold and distant to my Co-workers and fellow crew mates, yet I could whip up a battle plan that most times successful, even if it left be feeling alone at the end of the day. I suppose that was what drew him to me, His ways were strange and a little off, yet I could never see through his mind to see what he was up to. By the time I found out what he was up to, it was too late for me. In the dead of night he and some guards captured me, took me away to some strange moon. The walls jammed my senses, I was trapped in that small room with naught but my hearing and sight. Screams were around me, I saw strange Alien creatures I had come to find out were called Zerg.. Other Aliens, tall and bipedal These I had heard were Protoss. One time I was weak, thrown into a cell right next to one. I started talking to him, trying to find out where I was and what I was up against. The Protoss told me his name was Sykoras. I started calling him Sy or Sykor for short and eventually he stopped arguing about it. He told me only that this place was a place of horror, Creatures were doing the will of a strange man who claimed to be something called an Ihan-ri.. I had little idea what that meant so I didn't ask yet. He told me experiments took place here, on Zerg and Protoss Alike.. He said he was the first of my kind to be seen here, and I was a little confused at first weather or not he meant Terrans or Ghosts. He said my mind was similar to his yet it wasn't. I told him I was a ghost, a Psychic for easier term of phrase. He seemed curious and soon enough I learned a lot about Protoss and their ways, before Duran's men took him away, and I never saw him again.
It pissed me off bit by bit, but soon enough it was my turn and I will never forget that moment in time. I was put to sleep yet I could see, I was awake yet I was not. Locked in a space where I could sense things but do nothing about them. My body was subjected to things I can only describe as horrible. DNA was introduced to mine, I figured out later it was zerg. For the longest time when I was put in my stronger cell, I was a feral beast, Snarling and Hissing and Roaring at anything that came close to me. I did love the fact I bit one guard that had stuck his hand too close to my mouth. Soon enough I came back to myself, when I looked at my Reflection in the water bowl they had given me, I was horrified. My Face had grown paler, my Hair had changed to a Greenish Black, my eyes were the color of Amber, they had been Blue before, I remembered that well. And then, I heard it.. Bit by Bit I heard the call.. I could hear whispers at first, just calling me ever so gently. It lulled me, told me to bide my time with my brethren.. Wait for the right time to strike.
Bide my time I did, for months I let them do as they wished, While my powers I tested almost daily, I found eventually that my talents as a ghost, my mind as a Terran was still present, my new form was faster, more agile. I reasoned it to a Cat or Feline, but the voice in my head said I was more akin to a Hydralisk and a Zergling.. I didn't understand a lot of it. But as time went on, I grew more stable. About a month later was my chance to strike, Duran had left to take care of something, and I gave the call to my Brethren, Roaring loudly at Feeding time as we Swarmed out. All of us Hybrids, the Zerg, the Protoss. I heard one mention that it would be the first and last time they allied with the Zerg scum.. I didn't care much. We overran the place. Each of us taking in groups and Fleeing, a good deal of us died. I, by this time, was looking more like my old self, My eyes were still Amber in color, my hair was still that strange color. But thankfully I managed to Dye it using stains. I drifted for gods know how long, before He found me. Jim Raynor..
Jim was a nice guy, I told him I had been attacked and taken this small shuttle and escaped. He seemed to buy it for now and that was all I cared for. He set me up on his ship, let me work with him. For a good long while everything was peachy keen.. Until I started getting sent into battle.. Jim never looked at me the same way after that first battle. A bunch of Marines had called me a Blood thirsty Bitch, One had said I resembled a Zerg, bent over a body like that. Raynor had taken me aside after that, confronted me.
“What the hell was that out there Illia?” He only half yelled at me, and I hissed back, my voice had taken on a strange distant whispering tone, akin to Kerrigan. “You said you wanted them dead Raynor.. I was merely lending my assistance.” For a while we stared each other down and he Looked me dead in the eye and Gave this question. “Just swear to me you won't harm My people or any Innocents Illia, and I want the truth from you.” I paused, thinking of how to respond when I spoke. “I know the difference Raynor, I'm just not too sure of myself in battle. Keep me up here, away from it.. and I'll be fine.” He nodded, and frankly every single one of his men Agreed with that little choice. They all started to Avoid me after that, and frankly I was happy with it. Even the local Medics started staying away from me after I had threaten to turn one into Mince meat. I am Illyanna, I am Terran age 27 and I am a Hybrid of Terran Ghost and Zerg. I have hidden myself from the one man that created me. But the Real story only begins here...