My Starcraft Story

[Draco97]

Hey everyone, been a very long time since last I posted.

Anyway, I'm not sure if anyone enjoys reading fanfiction.net, but I've been working on a story that deals with the main terran factions. I'm still working on how to bring the Protoss and the Zerg in a way that makes sense.

If anyone is bored or whatnot, give it a read and let me know what you think:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5013589/1/Rebel_Soul

As far as timeline, I'm putting it between brood war and starcraft 2, maybe a year or a year and a half before Sc2.

I should have chapter 4 up by the end of the day today.

[Kimera757]

I was wondering what happened to the story. I certainly remembering the guy who accidentally blew up a skyscraper.

I've only read chapters 1-3 so far. Chapter 2 has especially interesting combat, as it was frenetic, fast-paced, etc.

I think we need a character list with clear responsibilities. Sometimes a character (and often of the wrong rank) suddenly appears and we're a bit confused as to what's going on. For instance, Colonel Whoever whose role I still can't recall.

[Gradius]

This was actually pretty decent. My favorite part was:

Hidden Content:

when the skyscraper blew up

I see you've added chapter 4 - looking forward to reading that.

[Draco97]

I'm glad you guys liked that part, I wasn't sure how it would play out to others.

I apologize for the confusion, I'll try not to throw in characters at random or just pop them in places.

Also, Gradius, let me know if you think chapter 4 needs work, I feel it's rather weak, especially the end.

Here's a character list of main/supporting characters and characters mentioned thus far (if you guys want a brief description of each person, let me know, this is just their rank and what their main responsibility):

Dominion Forces:
Captain Christian Kennan - commander of the entire Dominion Garrison of Alara
Lieutenant Darcy Herbig - second in command of Alara garrison
Sergeant Tyler Williams - commander of the Alara ground forces, third to Kennan
Colonel Clayton Mcquade - commander of Blue Squadron, a wraith squadron stationed at Alara
Ensign Nelson Nathanson - First Ensign of the battlecruiser Dominance
Corporal John Kaelin - second in command to Williams
Ross, Johnson, Paul, West - Goliath pilots
Vaughn, Stewart - Siege Tank drivers
James, Waters - marine squad leaders
Corporal Albers, Private Mickey Hayes, Private Crum, Private Brown - Four marines stationed at the village of Mirar (chapter 4)


Alara:
Governor George Swanson: planetary governor of Alara
Vice-Governor Jonathan Horton: second to Swanson

Confederate:
Ghost Agent Cody Rearick: Leader of Confederate Resistance on Alara
Corporal Hugh Yap: Firebat with Rearick, often relays orders
General Mortenson: overall commander of the Confederate Resistance

Others:
Grand Admiral Carmella Kiesel: Kennan's tutor, member of Dominion Armada High Commmand
Vice Admiral Darren Clayborn: commander of the Morian Gate Defense Command, stationed upon the planet of Aurora
General Mah Sakai: leader of the Kel-Morian Combine (If anyone knows of a picture of him, let me know...otherwise I kinda turned him into a samurai-like individual)
Mr. Katanari: an aide to Sakai

Ok...I think that is everyone. If anyone sees a mistake in ranking or a character I did not mention, let me know.

[Kimera757]

Captain Christian Kennan - commander of the entire Dominion Garrison of Alara
Lieutenant Darcy Herbig - second in command of Alara garrison

Here was the real confusion. Captain Kennan is only 27. He could be an O-3 (Army/Marine/Air Force captain, naval lieutenant), in which case he shouldn't be in command of either a garrison or a battlecruiser as that's way too low a rank. (And then he shouldn't be giving orders to a colonel.)

Alternatively, he could be an O-6 (naval captain, army/marine/air force colonel) in which case his roles are fine... but he's only 27, rather than the 42+ expected. That's extremely young for an O-6. (Maybe that needs explanation.)

Is lieutenant Herbig army or navy? She seems army, in which case her rank is too low for her position. Or maybe she's navy, but her rank is ... still too low. (If she's a navy captain's second-in-command, she should be a commander, O-5).

I guess it was a bad idea for me to learn about military ranks. Now military fiction stories just confuse me more

I can't say I blame you. The rank system of the Sons of Korhal in StarCraft went:

Two generals (ranks O-7+)
Captain Raynor (O-3)
Lieutenant Kerrigan (O-2)

With no ranks in between!

[Draco97]

Ok, I got you.

Ranking system: I shot myself in the foot with this one. This really only applies to Colonel Mcquade, but I'll fix it in the story. Basically I was doing this:

Battlecruiser personnel: U.S. Navy ranking system
Small ship (Wraiths, Vikings and the like): U.S. Air Force ranking system
Ground Forces (marines, firebats, siege tanks, etc): U.S. Marines ranking system

I don't know why I chose this, but apparently I did. I'll change it to:

All terran warships (BC, Wraith, Viking and all the others): U.S. Navy Ranking
All terran ground forces: U.S. Marines ranking system.

Hopefully that clears things up a little.

Christian's age: With this one, I didn't do much research into how long it took someone to get the higher ranks, I was going with the assumption that if the person had been through enough, and had enough experience, they could rank up relatively quickly. I guess I was going for a "Desperate times call for desperate measures" approach, hence why he is so young. I'll try to explain this a little bit better. Admittedly, I didn't do a very good job with Christian's history, imo.

Lieutenant Herbig: She follows the Navy ranking system, one of the reasons I kept her a Lieutenant instead of a Commander was that I wanted to try and make it Alara a "backwater" station. They're trying to keep the peace with very little, so they had to cut some corners. She hasn't been in the Dominion Armada as long as Christian, hence why she's still a Lieutenant, but they've worked together ever since she joined, that's why she's second-in-command.

Don't worry, I'm sure a Commander will pop in there somewhere (hint hint)

I'll go back and fix the issues when I'm done with chapter 5. I need to do some proofreading anyway.

Hope this helps

[mr. peasant]

Haven't read your story yet so I don't really know the character's background but regarding the age vs rank dilemma for Christian Kennan, it can be easily handwaved as the Dominion no longer having minimum time in rank and instead focus more on aptitude tests. Alternatively, it could be explained that he's from the ruling/upper class and/or had a military education, thus automatically made an officer when he joined the military.

[Kimera757]

I really need to read chapter four, so I can stay on-topic.

The US military doesn't really have a "minimum age" thing. Rather, it takes a lot of experience to graduate from a rank. Even geniuses, who would obviously graduate "below the zone" (or is it "above the zone" ... I'm not a military person myself) are unlikely to see O-6 before they're 35, just because even a genius has to take time to learn and try new things. Being a naval captain is a lot of learned responsibility, generally requiring you to learn disparate disciplines like engineering, tactics, command, etc.

But Christian being a captain at 27 isn't impossible. Mengsk reached the same marine rank (O-6) before his 28th birthday. (It helped that the Confederacy was giving out promotions like candy during the Guild Wars. And maybe the Dominion did something like that during the Brood War.)

Sorry about complaining about a picayune topic, I just saw ranks being "misused" one too many times...

[Draco97]

No worries. I want people to let me know what they think so I can improve and make it enjoyable.

Good point mr. peasant. thank you

As a reward for all my readers, chapter 5 will be chapter 2 on steroids + crack

[Kimera757]

I just finished chapter four. The Confederate plotting is awesome (you know the ghost is going to use the distraction to his advantage) and you did the "chains of command" very well too.