The Dating Thread

[Gradius]

The main difference is that women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of relationships. When people are looking for new partners women have literally all the power, and they have to be extra selective. But yeah the power dynamic eventually flips the other way as we age. Im glad I'm a guy.

A good example of this is John Romero, who went from alright guy with woman's hair in the nineties, to adorable and stylish today. Seriously, he's hot

Haha, the fuck? Am I google image searching the right person? He still looks like a woman and he's a fat lard.

[Visions of Khas]

Women "have to wait to get noticed"? I don't know what year you're from but y'all don't HAVE to do ANYTHING. Hell, my last few dates were with women who asked ME out. No offense, but get with the times. And I know of plenty of older women who are "distinguished" in their older years and are damn hot because of it.

My research on dyadic power was related to the black community, so things may be reversed for the white population.

[Nissa]

No, he isn't fat. I have met him in person, and while he's not a stick, he's thin enough. Not to mention well-dressed, friendly, a great smile, lovely skin, and hair I really want to fluff (I resisted, though). The only trouble is, he's not terribly tall -- about as tall as I am, and I am not guy-sized. On the other hand, his other characteristics make up for it.

In other words, he pretty, and you just jealous.

When looking for new partners, women have all the power? You're gonna have to explain that one to me, because I don't get it. ...Are you saying that it's a lot easier for women to find a new man than it is for a guy? Like, a woman might have a number of guys after her, and can just switch if she wants? I can see that happening to certain women. Like, the "hot" ones. For the majority of us women, that is nowhere near the case. Most of the time, if we're lucky, we have a cluster of invisible men who might be attracted to us, but then, if they even bother speaking to us, talk to us with only vague hints of attraction, waiting for us to confirm some sort of desire before making it clear that that's what they're looking for. It feels like only the weaker, lamer guys have the lack of social capacity to actually speak to us. Like, they're so socially inept that they don't bother looking for subtle hints from the woman. So yay for their daring, but boo on their personalities.

Too often reasonably good men look for subtle clues instead of just going for it. Men have the clear advantage, because when a woman says no, the man can just move on and ask someone else. He can ask as many women as he likes. A woman has to wait for someone to notice her. Thus, the man can take initiative, while the woman has to just sit there. I mean, unless you think women should try asking men out. Not sure men like that, though.

[Gradius]

Yeah women can ask men out for sure, but it's not ideal for them. They're always monitoring where they are on the social ladder, and that kind of risk of rejection and putting yourself out there (seeming overeager/ a slut), isn't something most women are comfortable with, especially the hotter ones who have had guys chasing them their whole lives and pretty much expect to do nothing.

Too often reasonably good men look for subtle clues instead of just going for it. Men have the clear advantage, because when a woman says no, the man can just move on and ask someone else. He can ask as many women as he likes. A woman has to wait for someone to notice her. Thus, the man can take initiative, while the woman has to just sit there.

This isn't really relevant anymore with the age of Tinder. You just get on an app and swipe, the only stipulation is that your appearance/looks have to be dialed.

The advantage of being a dude is that even ugly dudes can still get a hotty if they become rich or famous. But ugly girls? They're pretty much screwed. :/

[Nissa]

Yeah. Women do care about looks, but the quality of the relationship and our own ingrained desire to care for another means that guys have it good in that respect.

Econ's misadventures have scared me off Tinder. Granted, I don't have internet at home, so it's a moot point, but yeah.

[Gradius]

Econ's misadventures have scared me off Tinder. Granted, I don't have internet at home, so it's a moot point, but yeah.

Guys have to worry about going to the gym, having good game, being funny, approaching women, but you're literally too scared to use a dating app. Your life must be really easy, and that should tell you something about the power dynamic. :P

[sandwich_bird]

Romero has a sick hairdo! Respect. Overrated in gamedev though. In that regard, I'd drop my panties down to China for Carmack instead.

But back to relationships, there's nothing stopping women from making the first move instead. In that case, the chances of rejection on any attempt is magnitude smaller than if a guy makes the first move. This has been shown in studies countless times. Gradius makes a good point that if you use the power too much it can negatively affect how the woman is perceived. But, do note that the same can be true for a guy. If he's successful in his courtship attempt then he will be considered famous among other guys but women will be quick to brand him a "fuckboi". In the more likely case where most of hist attempt fails, he'll just simply be a try hard loser. This is all assuming that the attempts are know publicly of course. If you're in covert mode by using dating apps and such then there are no negative effects.

Also, because the standards of guys is much lower than that of women(something else that's been shown), pretty much any women will at least have some suitors, even the ones that are below average in looks. And if that wasn't enough, women can artificially boost their attractiveness levels significantly through tools that are only available to them or that have no similar counterpart in men (makeup, padded bras, high heels, etc). It's very hard for a guy to increase his attractiveness level and sometime down right impossible. Short guys, for example, are beyond fucked and must usually rely on non-physical tools (fame, fortune, one hell of a personality).

Anyways, it's interesting that most women think that they're screwed while it's easy to mount a counter argument against their biased vision. Honestly, being a women in a first world country in today's age is bloody amazing if you are smart.

[Nissa]

Guys have to worry about going to the gym, having good game, being funny, approaching women, but you're literally too scared to use a dating app. Your life must be really easy, and that should tell you something about the power dynamic. :P

Not scared, just not fond of internet dating. As an introvert, being overwhelmed by a large number of guys who may not be worthy of my attention is agonizing, particularly when I'm working two jobs and going to school in the fall.

I'm not complaining that I don't have a date, I'm just talking about dating. Whether I want to date at all right now is another question.

Romero has a sick hairdo! Respect. Overrated in gamedev though. In that regard, I'd drop my panties down to China for Carmack instead.

Adrian or John Carmack? Either way, they don't do anything for me.

But back to relationships, there's nothing stopping women from making the first move instead. In that case, the chances of rejection on any attempt is magnitude smaller than if a guy makes the first move. This has been shown in studies countless times. Gradius makes a good point that if you use the power too much it can negatively affect how the woman is perceived. But, do note that the same can be true for a guy. If he's successful in his courtship attempt then he will be considered famous among other guys but women will be quick to brand him a "fuckboi". In the more likely case where most of hist attempt fails, he'll just simply be a try hard loser. This is all assuming that the attempts are know publicly of course. If you're in covert mode by using dating apps and such then there are no negative effects.

Actually, I've heard about guys who can ask a lot, and they generally will have dates on a regular basis. Because women have greater desire for relationships, we're less bothered by certain things. After all, I can't get mad at a guy for asking someone out, getting rejected, and then asking me. So long as his interest is genuine, or he's just asking to hang out without expectations, it's all good. It becomes inappropriate when insincerity is involved, and he'd have to ask out a lot of girls at once to reach insincerity levels. Psychologically, men prefer pursuit, making women asking less socially acceptable. Though if you personally have a different opinion, I'll listen.

Also, let me point out a culture difference. When I say "ask out," I mean that bluntly. The purpose of dating is to find a long term relationship, and that means dates without sex or unwarranted expectations. That's what I mean when I talk about it. Things change when the "dating means sex" definition is used.

Also, because the standards of guys is much lower than that of women(something else that's been shown), pretty much any women will at least have some suitors, even the ones that are below average in looks. And if that wasn't enough, women can artificially boost their attractiveness levels significantly through tools that are only available to them or that have no similar counterpart in men (makeup, padded bras, high heels, etc). It's very hard for a guy to increase his attractiveness level and sometime down right impossible. Short guys, for example, are beyond fucked and must usually rely on non-physical tools (fame, fortune, one hell of a personality).

Oh, you mean women are forced into buying countless outfits, accessories, and whatnot just to get guys' attention? Only being acceptable after hours of shopping, makeup, and hair? And, not true. Guys can dress nicely, do their hair, and put on nice-smelling stuff. Not to mention work out, but that's really on both sides. Besides, men are visually stimulated more than women are, so the looks department is way harder for women, because we have a higher standard to live up to. If women have more standards, yours are higher.

That, and I find fame disgusting. Fortune is okay, but enough to live on is better, because fortune means the man probably isn't going to be home a lot -- out working, and such. "Hell of a personality"? I just want someone who is sensitive and affectionate. And not controlling. I absolutely can't stand controlling guys.

Anyways, it's interesting that most women think that they're screwed while it's easy to mount a counter argument against their biased vision. Honestly, being a women in a first world country in today's age is bloody amazing if you are smart.

I've met gold diggers, and they're the ones who are exactly as you say: into fame and fortune, and incredibly intelligent. It sounds like you've met a lot of them, and you're judging all women based on that archetype. It's not a matter of bias, it's a matter of finding a man who isn't just out for sex.

[Visions of Khas]

Nissa, tell me something. Is it that men will only date girls in fancy dresses; or is it that you are interested in the type of man that wants you dressed that way?

My last date was with a girl who proudly proclaimed she was only going to wear a T and blue jeans. God, it worked for her. I prefer a girl in hiking boots to one in high heels.

Don't live by another person's standards. What I'm saying, is take pride in who you are and who you want to be. There will always be someone out there who likes what you like.

[TheEconomist]

Alright, alright, I realize I'm coming off as King Shit Douchebag right now, so let me set the record straight. I have been in many serious relationships. I had a girlfriend for over two years before I took over my dad's business. Having to be in three different cities handling various businesses left me no time for her. She wasn't having it. I went steady with several girls on campus but we were all graduating at different times or going to different cities after college. We're now just facebook friends on different sides of the country. Yeah, I bag bitches, yeah, I'm all about getting that ass. But, I'm also a gentleman for the right girl. I've been hurt and shit on just like everybody else.

Here's how i talk to classy girl. She's a coach for a local high school and a Special Education teacher.

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Is it that men will only date girls in fancy dresses

There's nothing better than a tight pair of jeans .. or leggings Half the time, left to their own devices, the more of woman fixes herself, the less it works for her.

And Nissa arguments reminds of the articles I read made by women who said women had it harder in online dating because they had to reject guys all day and that that was heart wrenching.. Because, yeah, all those girls committed suicide because they reject too many people (vs guys who can't get chicks)

And, I have absolutely no problem with a girl asking me out, it's just that its usually the less desirable chicks. Whenever I get a message first, I just know they're going to be .. not my type

But, I'm tired of typing from the 500 messages I sent out today to various chicks. Because, you know, it's easy being a dude. So I'll tap and leave this argument to Gradius because he's covering it in the same way I would.

Oh, you mean women are forced into buying countless outfits, accessories, and whatnot just to get guys' attention? Only being acceptable after hours of shopping, makeup, and hair?

Ironic since the three girls I've mentioned here were wearing jeans, baseball cap, or less.

Reminds me of the argument that a woman can't get noticed unless she has the body of a Victoria Secret model.. except most men I know would take the average chick on the beach with a big ass over most of the models (ignoring their fame, only attractiveness)

Look at the chick I'm taking to a bonfire. Purple shirt, jeans, and a hat. Her outfit probably costs 1/5 of what I'm going to wear. But, damn, it shows them curves.

What did I have to do to get her over the hundreds of guys after her? I had to have a million dollars of property, a $50,000 car, swag juice dripping out of me like pheromones, and the confidence and tenacity to keep working at it.

She's just got an ass and some style. Both of which came from someone else (her mother and pop culture).