Writing a New Starcraft 2 storyline

[ragnarok]

I'm sure, but that's not what Dietz wrote. He didn't write much at all. He just wrote that Raynor met a goliath pilot and then joined up. There's no descriptor of emotion, debating, or stating that he just didn't know any better. It just happened.

Hence meaning Dietz expected the author to "read between the lines."

[Nissa]

Reading between the lines assumes that there were lines to read. You say that he chose to join the military because he was too young to know any better, but that's only one possible implication, and not the strongest one. It could have been pride, earning money for his family, hating farming, or any number of things. Your assumption is no better or worse than any other, because Dietz offered nothing at all.

[ragnarok]

Reading between the lines assumes that there were lines to read. You say that he chose to join the military because he was too young to know any better, but that's only one possible implication, and not the strongest one. It could have been pride, earning money for his family, hating farming, or any number of things. Your assumption is no better or worse than any other, because Dietz offered nothing at all.

I never said he did a good job of reading between the lines.

[Telenil]

Reading between the lines assumes that there were lines to read. You say that he chose to join the military because he was too young to know any better, but that's only one possible implication, and not the strongest one. It could have been pride, earning money for his family, hating farming, or any number of things. Your assumption is no better or worse than any other, because Dietz offered nothing at all.

The novel doesn't spend much time on it, but some things are definitely there. There is enlistment money, the fact that some of his friends are going, the conversation with the recruiter, a general dislike of the Kel'morian... For someone who read the book, your comments seem rather... heavy-handed.

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Reading between the lines assumes that there were lines to read. You say that he chose to join the military because he was too young to know any better, but that's only one possible implication, and not the strongest one. It could have been pride, earning money for his family, hating farming, or any number of things. Your assumption is no better or worse than any other, because Dietz offered nothing at all.

The novel doesn't spend much time on it, but some things are definitely there. There is enlistment money, the fact that some of his friends are going, the conversation with the recruiter, a general dislike of the Kel'morian... For someone who read the book, your comments seem rather... heavy-handed.

[GnaReffotsirk]

Okay, guys check this out. (edit: This version takes everything SC2 into account. The Amon plot, etc.)

So I rolled the dice with Dramatica and here's the Additional Story Points for a WoL remake:

1. From a broodwar Kerrigan, we see her slowly transform to the mindless pawn of Amon. The characters will be dealing with this transformation.
This tells us/the characters that the feared future is true, and something must be done to prevent it.

2. They must deal with their pain and desire to rid the sector of her. They must find a way to remove this seeming urge growing inside Kerrigan.
3. As a result of trying to do this, kerrigan slowly loses control of the broods; Raynor's Raiders disband; Valerian's grip is slipping; And mengsk ever grows in power, becoming even stronger.
4. In order to deal with the feral instincts driving Kerrigan, they must deal with the progress of Duran's hybrids, and the slow rise of Amon in the background affecting everything.
5. What makes this hard is Amon's presence making everyone edgy, and "tempted" to do the deeds in their hearts.

6. In the end, their desire to rid the sector of Kerrigan (vengeance) is not accomplished. But they at least spared kerrigan from the influence of Amon.
7. The rise of Amon remains unabated, as Mengsk has hindered their efforts in his seemingly maddened quest for more power.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sequence 1 (version 1)

We see Raynor longs for Sarah still. But then he recalls the vile actions of broodwar kerrigan.
Horner arrives to tell him everything is ready. Horner tries one last time to tell Raynor maybe it was a mistake to have brought Tychus along. Something just don't feel right about him.
Raynor becomes angry, and point to Matt isn't this what he always wanted, they have gathered a massive army, and now is their chance: An attack on a well guarded platform, where they could broadcast the recordings that would incriminate Mengsk.
All this time, Raynor has been drinking. Seemingly uncaring.
He doesn't believe in this rebellion. He doesn't see where this will lead to, even if they do bring down Mengsk. He just wants it done, and show Horner how this rebellion of theirs will only lead to more problems for everyone.

On the mission, after the death and destruction. After they have done everything to prevent the Dominion from discovering their attack, thinking they've done everything right. Mengsk arrives.

Mengsk makes his move against Raynor, and taunts that he had his eyes on him. That all his plans and moves were known to him. And the Sector is watching what they've done here.
A battle. Many of the Raider's Allies were killed. Mengsk's forces are also suffering heavy loses.
Mengsk is angry. Valerian and his fleet is not on schedule.

The rebels escape.

The Hyperion exits alone, but Horner tries to convince Raynor they have to get back on track against Mengsk. Raynor says it can't be done.

Valerian appears to offer Raynor the quest for the Artifacts. Raynor declines. He won't work with a Mengsk. Not even Valerian.

Horner argues with Raynor they need the job. And Valerian could be a valuable ally in the plot to bring down Arcturus.
Raynor insists there must be another way, trusting Mengsk or working with a Mengsk isn't good. He's been there. Done that.
Horner debates Valerian is different.
Raynor just takes a drink, not even a word.

Tychus contacts Raynor and tells him of the rebels with him. That they have encountered Dominion, and now they're all scattered. Raynor tells Tychus to sit tight. He's picking him up.
Horner doesn't think this is a good idea. He thinks Tychus is working for Mengsk.

As Raynor arrives, Mengsk greets him. They have the Hyperion cornered. He mocks Raynor saying he shouldn't be so sentimental, trusting old friends.
Raynor's forces meet with Mengsk Tychus isn't responding. Their warp engines are out of energy.

But just when the Dominion closes in. Zerg poured around and between them.
As the fight ensues, Raynor tries to defend, waiting for their warp drives to charge.
Mengsk tries to push through the Zerg and get him. Sacrificing many of his ships just to get to Raynor. Only his command ship remains.

Valerian arrives, Mengsk demands Valerian to get on board his command ship.
He does and tries to stop this madness. Tychus is with him.
Tychus is angry. He says, Mengsk did not make good on his promise. Mengsk argues neither did Tychus.
Mengsk points out it didn't matter what Tychus was leaking to him. He's not stupid to fall for fake intel.
Valerian orders the Dominion fleet under his command to retreat. Mengsk is furious.
Valerian tries to argue, but his father just pushes him aside. Even points a gun at him.
Mengsk: "Don't ever get in my way, boy."
Valerian: "You've gone mad, father!"

Valerian turns away, Mengsk shoots him. Valerian falls past the bay door.

Valerian: "Finish it father."

Mengsk can't pull the trigger. The door closes. Gun fire starts going off in the background.

__________________________________________________ ___________

Mengsk's ship warps away. Valerian approach the Hyperion via drop ship.

DS Pilot: "Prince Valerian is wounded. Requesting permission to dock."

Raynor: "To hell with you!"

Horner grabs Raynor, Raynor falls down, and hits his head. He's drunk.

Horner lets the dropship on board.

__________________________________________________ ___________
INT. MED-BAY

Raynor wakes up in the med-bay with Valerian. Valerian starts laughing.

Raynor: "What the hell are you laughing at, Junior."
Valerian: "Nothing. It's just that, my father. My own father actually shot me."
Raynor: "Wouldn't be the first time. When you're done."

Raynor picks himself up.

Raynor(Cont'd): "You get yourself off my ship."
Valerian: "Funny. I thought this was Arcturus' ship."
Raynor: "Was, junior."
Valerian: "The hero becomes the villain. The victim becomes the criminal."

Raynor pauses for a beat. And goes out. He tries to take a drink, but Horner grabs his wrist.

Horner: "That's enough commander."
Raynor: "You get your hands off me, Matt."

Horner: "I get it. You're angry, frustrated. But you don't have to do this!"
Raynor: "Matt, I do whatever the hell I want."

Horner: "listen to yourself, Jim."
Raynor: "Just to be clear. I don't need you, or your idealistic bull-crap. Look around you, Matt.. Just... just leave me alone."

Valerian strides past Horner towards Raynor.

Horner: "No, Valerian. Man who wants to be alone, deserves to be alone."

(cut to)
__________________________________________________ ___________
INT. CANTINA

Tychus is here. Raynor pulls a gun on him.

Raynor: "You treacherous sonnova bitch! Tell me why I shouldn't pull this trigger right now!"
Tychus: " I made a deal with the devil, Jimmy. I can get you to him."
Raynor: "He's not exactly the one's running Tychus."
Tychus: "You really think, I'd sell you out like that, brother?"

Raynor lowers his gun.

Raynor: "I guess not. Now, take that damn suit off."
Tychus: "I can't Jimmy."

Valerian enters.

Valerian: "I've reprogrammed his suit. But we need my father to think he's still got everything under control."
Raynor: "I thought I told you to get off my ship."
Valerian: "I just wanted to tell you personally that I'm on your side. If you ever change your mind..."

Valerian hands Raynor a chip.

Valerian(cont'd): "So you'd know where to find me. I could really use your help on this James."

Valerian exits.

Valerian: "Thank you... for saving my life."

Door closes.

Comm beeps.

Horner (comm): "Sir, you really need to see this."

(cut to)
__________________________________________________ ___________
INT. HYPERION BRIDGE

Horner: "We just received reports. It wasn't an isolated attack."

Adjutant: "Data streaming complete."
The monitors turn on. Zerg attacks, devastation, death.

Horner (cont'd): "The Zerg have launched simultaneous attacks on these planets."
Tychus: "Sweet mother o' mercy."

Adjutant: Incoming Transmission.

Tom Kazansky. Merc. Friend. Foe. We owe him some.

Tom: "Raynor! We need your help. We're under heavy attack from both Zerg and Dominion forces!"

Raynor: "We're not exactly in shape to help --"
Horner (interrupting): "We are on our way, Tom. Hold on."
Horner (to Raynor): "That's it. I'm relieving you of command."
Horner (to crew): "Set course for <insert relevant planet name>"

(cut to)_______________________________________________ _________
Super: Command ship Hyperion, High orbit over the planet <relevant planet name>

Adjutant: Receiving incoming transmision.

Tom: "God! To anyone receiving this message. We are under heavy attack by Zerg forces, the Queen of Blades has been spotted. I repeat, Queen of Blades has been spotted --"

Raynor: "What?"
Horner: "I know what you're thinking, Jim. Don't be --"
Raynor: "For the last time, Matt. Get off my back. I'm going down there and finish this once and for all."
Raynor (comm): "Tom. This is Raynor. Ain't got much, but I'm headin' your way. Just sit tight."
Tom: "We're pressed tight down here."

Raynor goes away.

Horner: "Damnit. Set course for the platform. And ready the batteries."

The Hyperion turns towards a space platform, as Raynor's drop ship goes ahead.

Horner: "Fire batteries!"

The hyperion fires its gun batteries, while charging the yamato cannon, as Raynor's dropship speeds through the platform.
It's main gun follows Raynor's ship. But before it could fire, a huge energy slices it apart to a huge explosion. The hyperion slowly reels to a calm.

Two more dropships speedily exits from the Hyperion, following Raynor's ship. Orange clouds gathering around below, as the dropships heads straight down at the center.

(cut to)
__________________________________________________ ___________
EXT. TOM KAZANSKY's BASE OF OPERATIONS

Battle rages. Zerg are everywhere. Raynor commands his troops, and Tom's, but it's not going well. Raynor becomes desperate.

Raynor breaks rank, and starts running towards the dusty horizon ahead screaming.

Tom: "Shit! Watch it! You, you, hold your fire. Flanks! Keep that gun spinning damit!"

An Ultralisk bursts out from the earth below, roaring, its blades poised to strike. Raynor empties his clip. But the Ultralisk doesn't do it. It's just there, keisers raised and poised to a swing.
Everything falls quiet. No Zerg movement.

Tom: "Hold your fire, damit! Hold your fire!"

Raynor takes out his pistol and starts shooting. Bam, bam.

Kerrigan: "You should save some for me, Jimmy."

Raynor starts firing. Bullets bounce off her like pellets to steel.

(to be cont'd)
______________________________

[ragnarok]

The novel doesn't spend much time on it, but some things are definitely there. There is enlistment money, the fact that some of his friends are going, the conversation with the recruiter, a general dislike of the Kel'morian... For someone who read the book, your comments seem rather... heavy-handed.

- - - Updated - - -


The novel doesn't spend much time on it, but some things are definitely there. There is enlistment money, the fact that some of his friends are going, the conversation with the recruiter, a general dislike of the Kel'morian... For someone who read the book, your comments seem rather... heavy-handed.

Nissa is one of those critical people to books and reading. On ff.net, I always got the feeling he had the mentality that he could write a better book in 2 min than all the famous writers on the planet combined in 20 years.

[Nissa]

Nissa is one of those critical people to books and reading. On ff.net, I always got the feeling he had the mentality that he could write a better book in 2 min than all the famous writers on the planet combined in 20 years.

Couple of things wrong with that. For one, "she." For two, I believe that I could write a better book in 2 mins than all the official Blizzard fiction writers. I also believe that at least half of the members of this forum can do so as well. Econ and Khas, especially. Don't take it so seriously, Rag. I'm just good at pointing out flaws. Just because something has flaws means it lacks all entertainment value. Interstella 5555, for example.

But how about we stick to the topic? This is about a new SCII, after all.

So Gna, are you sure about keeping Valerian such a simple good guy? He was a pretty weak character, especially in HotS. It would be nice if he had some more depth, and some more personal motivation. Like, what does he want more than anything else?

Hm...do you have plans for how the mission sets would work out? Is it going to be Terran, Zerg, Protoss like SCII?

[DonnyZeDoof]

I believe that I could write a better book in 2 mins than all the official Blizzard fiction writers.

Even better than the great Christie Golden?

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I believe that I could write a better book in 2 mins than all the official Blizzard fiction writers.

Even better than the great Christie Golden?

[ragnarok]

Couple of things wrong with that. For one, "she." For two, I believe that I could write a better book in 2 mins than all the official Blizzard fiction writers. I also believe that at least half of the members of this forum can do so as well. Econ and Khas, especially. Don't take it so seriously, Rag. I'm just good at pointing out flaws. Just because something has flaws means it lacks all entertainment value. Interstella 5555, for example.

But how about we stick to the topic? This is about a new SCII, after all.

So Gna, are you sure about keeping Valerian such a simple good guy? He was a pretty weak character, especially in HotS. It would be nice if he had some more depth, and some more personal motivation. Like, what does he want more than anything else?

Hm...do you have plans for how the mission sets would work out? Is it going to be Terran, Zerg, Protoss like SCII?

That's one of the main flaws of the DT Saga when it comes to him. Because Blizzard didn't make up their minds of whether he's to be good or evil, Christie Golden had to write him vague, so I don't blame her for that.

Would you want him to find ways to overthrow his father in such a fic?

[GnaReffotsirk]

Nissa, yeah, but we'll see. I'll try. You chime in too! I'm just trying to keep this up.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(cont'd)
EXT. TOM KAZANSKY'S BASE OF OPERATIONS

Raynor steps back, shooting, as Kerrigan steps closer. Raynor aims higher. Her face. A cut. But it heals as quickly as it gets cut.

Kerrigan: "You said you were the one to kill me. So kill me."

Raynor plants his gun on her head. Not a problem. He pulls the trigger, only to have it back fire. Gun falls to the ground, Jimmy grabs his gun arm in pain.

Kerrigan: "All these years, and -- alcohol? Despair. Jimmy..."

The dust begins to settle. Tom and the base is visible now.

Kerrigan: "You see, Jimmy. None of your little toys can stop me."

Her eyes glow orange, as she dashes onward.

Raynor: "No!"

(continuous)

EXT. TOM'S POSITION

Kerrigan. Death itself rushing forward.

Tom: Raynor, get down!

A fury of bullets. Guns blazing. Everything's pointed at her. Her carapace flays. Bits and pieces, but are quickly replaced. She stops, looking at herself, then to Raynor.

Kerrigan: "Watch. Just like you always have, Jim."

Kerrigan throws herself into the collection of men. Gibs. Blood. She rips them apart like paper.

Tom pulls up his chain gun. He's too late. Kerrigan is right above him.

Tom: "Shit!"

Kerrigan continues her onslaught. Behind her, a platform. Guns firing. She grips a fist full of psionic energy, and unleashes a storm right on top of them. Explosion. Chaos. Death.

Ultralisks surround the facility, as Kerrigan stands at the center. Everyone's dead.
The beasts rakes up a metal casing, about the size of a small shack, and throws it over, revealing a glowing piece of metal, seething with energy.
Kerrigan simpers with delight, reaching toward it. Electric tendrils reach out to her.

The Void Seeker swoops from above. A shadowy cloud drops right between Kerrigan and her prize. ZERATUL.

Kerrigan's eyes glow orange. Stonger. Her voice is different. Somehow deeper, more possessive.

Kerrigan: "Young prodigal."

Kerrigan shakes it off, but before she could recover, Zeratul's right in front of her. Warp blades and all.
She dodges. Strikes back. An awesome fight. They seem equally strong. Equally agile.

But Kerrigan suddenly goes into frenzy. Zeratul falls to the ground. She's ready to strike. Her eyes glowing orange. Even more this time.

Kerrigan writhes to stop herself. Her eyes clear. She keeps blinking, trying to clear her thoughts. Something's not right.
She looks around. Like a child hearing voices in a dark room.

Kerrigan: "Can you hear him Zeratul? He's here."

Her eyes glow orange again. She tries to resist. She screams in anger, annoyed, disturbed.

Raynor is watching all of this, gripping his gun. Useless. His comm kicks him awake.

Raynor: "Matt?"
Horner (comm): "Sir, I'm detecting multiple energy signatures heading to your location. They're coming in fast."

Blue streaks cut through the sky. One of these seeming meteors is heading right on top of them.
Zeratul grabs Raynor, just in time, the ground explodes. Dust everywhere. Bluish energy. Some kind of greenish liquid everywhere.

Kerrigan stands firmly up ahead, as a bluish hellish creature rises from the crater in front of her.
Her eyes glow orange again. She shakes it off.

Kerrigan: "What -- !"

She struggles with it. She twitch. She can see her body blurring, trembling. Like a cheap Japanese horror flick. But it's quite real.

Kerrigan: "Zeratul! Get him out of here! Aaaaagh!"

From the dust cloud, someone else appears. DURAN. He looks awesome. Powerful. Yet, puny.

Duran: "It's good to be back."

Zeratul puts the object inside a casing. Protoss design, but older. He trusts it against Raynors chest.

Zeratul: "Keep it safe. GO!"

Zeratul pushes Raynor off to leave, as he marvels at this cube. A container. It flickers with energy.

Duran: "I told you young prodigal. Your universe will be changed."
Zeratul: "At last you show yourself."

Zeratul dashes to attack, but Duran is too fast. He keeps missing. Duran just laughs him off.
Not far, Kerrigan is being pummeled by the hybrid. Her wing is cut.

Further behind, a drop ship lands. Raynor runs toward it. He keeps looking back as the fight goes on.

Zeratul watches as Raynor leaves. Relief.
Kerrigan beats the beast down. She plunges her fist, glowing with psionic energy right at the heart of the abomination. Her ultralisks are all dead around them.
She turns, Duran's smiles leeringly even more. They have him surrounded.

(cut to)

________________________________________
to be continued..