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Thread: Wings of Liberty in a Nutshell

  1. #1

    Default Wings of Liberty in a Nutshell

    Wings of Liability Liberty; Behind the scenes

    Tychus Findlay: Hell it's about time. *closes visor*

    Tychus Findlay: *opens it up again, hacking uncontrollably*; dammit, why do I keep up this habit? Oh but it's sooo good. Wish I could have an air filtration in this thing so I could smoke with my visor down - that'd be purty cool.

    Suit: Filtration unit activated.

    Tychus: Huh, sweet *closes visor again* - it's the little, logical things to accompany character-oriented eccentricities that matter. Oh man, now that I'm outta prison... I gotta kill Raynor. Shame and all, but 'tis the price of freedom, ain't it?

    Arcturus Mengsk: No! No. Don't kill Raynor. Kill Kerrigan.

    Tychus: Kerrigan? Isn't she like, the queen bitch of the universe or some such? She could prolly melt my mind.

    Mengsk: Yes... I mean, but you don't know anything about her. You just got out of cryo prison.

    Tychus: Ever' one's talkin' about it though.

    Mengsk: Yeah so? Just... just do what your told.

    Tychus: Okay, so I'll go up to Jimmy and shoot him through a wall with my unecessarily huge impaler gauss rifle and then...

    Mengsk: No, you don't shoot him! You don't shoot him. You will talk to him.

    Tychus: 'Kay. But, what do I say?

    Mengsk: Good god... how should I know?! I've never really met the man through anything more than a computer screen that projected his talking head in lower polygons that nonetheless conveyed the universe in more tender, emotional realism. Look... just tell him you want to be a part of his crew on his flag ship the 'Hyperion' - yeah, the one that initially used to be mine and that he somehow stole from me all the while attacking one of my most important military bases that should have, by all rights, been quite secure from a few hundred or so rebels with infantry hardware. This is all unecessary detail the audience shouldn't need to know about by the way, as they could easily buy the books and read them - the franchise makes more money that way too.

    Tychus: Um... serious? Kidding? Aw hell... who'm I asking? Okay.

    Mengsk: Also, don't shoot him - that'll, uh... that'll seriously muck up my unecessarily complicated grand scheme.

    Tychus: Seriously? Ya sure that's gon' work out the way you planned it?

    Mengsk: I'm totally sure Tychus - I'm the universe's magnificent bastard. Clearly no one else would replace my role. I can't imagine any form of decent writing that could account for such a swap in characters, primarily heartfelt villains such as myself.

    Tychus: Yeah. Yeah, okay. So, like - where's he hanging out?

    Mengsk: Hm... um, let me check. Hold on a sec, I gotta open up 'google star maps'. Oh, apparently some place called 'Joeyray's Bar'.

    Tychus: There's 300,000,000+ bars throughout the K-sector, including pubs and taverns and excluding family restaurants and space drive thru diners. I need a location.

    Mengsk: Mar sara.

    Tychus: That's an entire planet. Specificity helps, y'know. It's not like this suit's got enough damn holo-maps built into it.

    Mengsk: Dammit, I don't know. The writers have never really given too much in the way of actual locations besides planets for tilesets and unique doodads/terrain types.

    Tychus: Hahaha. I was just kiddin' with you. I've been to the place before.

    Mengsk: Oh, well... good, good. Most excellent then. Will you fail me?

    Tychus: Y'know I wouldn't.

    Mengsk: Yes, not if you're locked in that armor and your life hangs between the balance of a needle's fine point - considering activating its own poison channels to inject nerve toxin into your blood stream would lead to a quick death that is, while so briefly painful, still painful enough that every microsecond feels like years before the final event horizon in which you would so blissfully expire after begging until your voice went hoarse, such that it lost all hoarseness and you were silenced forever - not only because you'd be dead, of course, but also your vocal cords would be broken and bleeding from your screaming so loud in tremendous, incalculable agony.

    Tychus: Wait, what?

    Mengsk: Exactly. Go to your mission. I have absolute trust in you. Oh hey, and apparently I've got some goons persecuting civvies on mar sara as a cliche tyrannical government from space is liken to do - 'tis probably why Raynor was attracted to the place once more, whence I'd first met him. Ha... I guess that even though I know Raynor's location, I can't just ambush him with a fleet. He'll escape or something. Yeah, that's good enough rationale. The writer's don't have to explain their way through that. Just let it be assumed. Safer that way.

    Chapter 1 - Stomping on Space Fascists for no Reason Other than that it helps to Introduce the Main Hero

    Mengsk: Jim Raynor is a man that is a serious threat to the dominion. Of course, I'm still trying to keep him alive to enforce my rule or something such.... as part of some kind of ruse? Actually, I'm really confused now. I think I've holed myself into a bundle.

    Reporter: Um... your majesty, we're still live.

    Mengsk: Duh... right, of course! Of course we are! Raynor, if you're watching this and I know you are, you can't save Kerrigan! I know you can't because the human her is dead and I killed her and you can do nothing about that! Also, she's really evil. So yeah, I'm not all that evil compared to her, why are you still rebelling? You're such a sham. Heck, why are you watching right now, you should be attacking my logistics facility on mar sara blah, blah blah...

    Raynor: *not listening, instead caught in staring at photograph of kerrigan blissfully*

    Mengsk: And one more thing, if you're still watching Raynor, you really should avoid messing up my ad-bot holo-sign things. If you did, it would surely harm me so much more than losing my logistics center. Um, yes... I hope you don't attack that. Are you listening?

    Raynor: Ugh... what should I do. Damn! I can't think straight with that infernal racket in the background *shoots TV*. Ah, that's better. Adjutant in my suit case! Get me a feed from some random satellite so that I can get a ubiquitous birds eye view of all of my troops (which somehow, always applies).

    Adjutant: Your troops are ready. I'm sure that's exactly what you wanted to hear.

    Raynor: Yes. You're right, that's exactly what I wanted to hear.

    Adjutant: But, I mean... there's only about, like, four or six marines.

    Raynor: Yeah, there is. More than enough! Alright, prep my dropship.

    Adjutant: At once, you handsome handsome man.

    Raynor: Damn right. I deserve this sort of ingratiation. It's the one thing that holds me back from suicidal depression.

    Woman: Don't go down that road!

    Raynor: I think we will - mainly because we are powered armored troopers with really big guns. By the way, thanks for telling us exactly where to go.

    Adbot Mengsk: Freedom, prosperity, courage... these are values the dominion desires in all its citi - what Raynor? Oh, you're not doing what I think you're doing!

    Raynor: Destroy those adbots!

    Adbot Mengsk: And in my last brief moments of consciousness, I reflect - will I dream?

    Marine: You're not an android! How dare you say such things!

    Adbot: What's that got to do with anything? I should be obliged to say whatever I want, as long as I spout inane propaganda every now and then.

    Marine: Oh sorry, I'm just referencing that old book 'do androids dream of electric sheep?'. It's a bit of a in-joke for SF fans.

    Adbot: Wow, it's intelligent and all - I get that. But I mean, way too vague for those who'll be playing this game man, way too vague.

    Marine: Yeah I know sorry. I guess from now on, we'll stick with the pop-SF references and make sure to crank em out en-masse. Thanks for the tip. And - oh hey Commander! I found the plug. *pulls it*

    Adbot Mengsk: Nooo... *powers down*

    Raynor: Ha, good job soldier. Y'know I was just about to order you guys to shoot this thing until it stopped working and exploded spectacularly.

    Marine: Hey if that's what you want we'll do it. That's usually how we solve problems anyway.

    Raynor: Er... yeah okay, you can do that too. Or do... whatever.

    Marine: A whole assault force! So unexpected, especially when there's a logistics base nearby! Oh man, we totally didn't account for this.

    Raynor: Relax, I think it's time for that special delivery we discussed.

    Marine: What special delivery? Drop pods? Hey, where the hell are they coming from? How come we didn't use these in SC 1?

    Raynor: Dude, just shut up and shoot something.

    Marine: Yessir.

    Raynor: Pulling rank in a goodsy way is a good way of having no back talk when it comes to the potential for an infinite number of lampshades that the fans might otherwise begin demanding.

    Dom. Marine: We got a runner! Let's shoot 'em to exemplify how oppressive we are!

    Other Dom. Marine: Good idea!

    Raynor: My god, they're killing civilians! We better accomplish the mission that we came here to accomplish in the first place. We'll do that by entering a gate that otherwise would impede us from completing the mission.

    Colonist: Hey thanks for saving us. We'll fight the dominion punk rock style. You can tell, because we're also all young adults in a game where even the old folks potentially seem attractive - that includes games like fall out 3 and *bleh*

    Other Colonist: We're with yah Raynor! C'mon guys, lets fight with molotov cocktails that shouldn't really have any affect against troops in powered armor! Oh my god, can you believe it's actually working against versatile armored walkers like the viking? Plot really is on our side!

    Raynor: O snap.

    Dom. Lieutenant: This is a restricted area! You are being ordered to leave at once! Wait what are you doing with that molotov cocktail - no!!!

    Dom. Viking Pilot: Oh no not the logistics center, conveniently badly defended and outlined as a target for the colonists to attack!

    Colonist: I didn't think we could beat them. But we can! But now what are we gonna do without you around?

    Raynor: Yeah, I don't know. I guess you could tag with me but the only way to enforce rapid training is through neural resocialization and I know I'm the good guy so I can't allow that in my army.

    Colonist: Well, nice seeing you then. I guess we'll just wait around for the dominion to arrive with reinforcements and suppress us again.

    Raynor: Seeya.

    Chapter 2 - Stealing Artifacts from Space Fascists for no reason other than to introduce... artifacts

    Tychus: Hey Raynor what's up?

    Raynor: WOAH! You scared me! I nearly reached for my pistol and shot you, which would have gloriously ended the entire plot early. What's up yourself? How's life treating you.

    Tychus: Good, good, wanna snag some Artifacts? I'll help you out for 50%.

    Raynor: Wait, aren't you a little bit pissed off about rotting in cryo prison all those years?

    Tychus: Nah, we're uh... we're good now. I'm not hiding any vengeful feelings regarding that. What do you think this is, a soap opera?

    Raynor: 'Kay fine. I'll take that explanation for honesty and put full trust in you as a friend from now on. But what's this about artifacts?

    Tychus: Oh well Xel Naga artifacts are like the new macguffin for the game - except they're all over the place, so they can be used as a continual macguffin for any sorta cheap plot. The fact that they apply to this game is probably no mistake and methinks the writers were a tad sluggish. In fact, I think I count what... five times the macguffin's applied in the manga, novelizations, etc.? Anyway - the dominion's trying to dig up an artifact now for quite some time on mar sara at some base that'll be to the north west-ish when the map loads.

    Raynor: Oh yeah?

    Tychus: Yeah and... we need it.

    Raynor: Why exactly?

    Tychus: Um... I don't know, Mengsk didn't fill me in on tha - I mean ah... Moebius.

    Raynor: Moebius?! Talk straight man!

    Tychus: There's some corporation called Moebius. They want the artifacts. They'll pay a good price for them.

    Raynor: Yeah, I'm a little low on money and selling minerals I harvest with my SCVs ever so efficiently won't really pay back my debts for some reason. Do you know why the dominion wants these artifacts.

    Tychus: I don't know, but stealin' 'em will sure piss 'em off won't it.

    Raynor: You make an excellent argument sir. Alright, you can help me out for 50/50.

    Tychus: Deal.

    Raynor: Changed my mind - I actually didn't think you'd agree to that so easily. It's now 70/30.

    Tychus: Uh... you're side or my side?

    Raynor: My side.

    Tychus: My side?

    Raynor: No, my side. Look, we can't have this cheap comedy exchange. 70/30 my side.

    Tychus: As in?

    Raynor: As in I'm getting 70% and your stuck with 30, you bastard!

    Tychus: Aw... why?

    Raynor: Well, because I'm kinda the one with the army and you're just one more gun.

    Tychus: Ha... alright fine partner.

    Raynor: Heh, well then we're on partner.

    Adjutant: Warning - Dominion Hellions approaching.

    Marine: Orders sir?

    Other Marine: Shoot 'em numbskull!

    Marine: Oh right, of course. I mean, but shooting gets boring. Isn't that all we ever do?

    Other Marine: Um... yes? Look they're getting closer.

    Raynor: Oh no, whatever will I do about Hellions. *sees all four hellions blown to smithereens by a line of 20 marines* Oh right, impractical use of flamethrower bikes on the battlefield against 20 marines in powered armor lined up to create a metal storm of death? Yeah, okay. That worked. Hey, remember to write it down kiddies! Marines work in, like, a lot of situations!

    Marine: We need to kill those buildings fast dude!

    Other Marine: Dude, what? Calm down dude.

    Marine: Dude, we need to get it done QUICK. Oh god dammit I'm shooting and shooting but they aren't dying fast enough. Stims! I need more stims! Oh shit, medic get your ass over here and heal me!

    Medic: 'Tis no way to talk to a lady. Harumph.

    Other Marine: Dude, what's the rush?

    Medic: Yeah, sounds like a real emergency.

    Very Horribly Maimed Marine: Um... actually, it kinda is for me.

    Medic: I'll get to you in a sec.

    Very Horribly Maimed Marine: I'm dying... I don't think I can last. Everything's going black! Are you there sarge? Oh god I'm referencing military ranks that don't even exist in this game, I must really be losing it.

    Medic: I'll be there IN A SEC! Gosh.

    Other Marine: Hey man, you didn't answer me. What's the rush?

    Marine: Oh god oh god oh god - it's the achievement man.

    Other Marine: What are you talking about?

    Marine: Oh christ, don't make me open up achievements and have to scroll around to find it, so that I can recall the name! I just know we gotta kill this base in like 10 or 15 minutes.

    Other Marine: Dude... there's no achievements that we have to worry about. The player already got them.

    Marine: What dude?

    Other Marine: The player already has all the achievements for this level, dude. He's just playing through it again for the sake of this script.

    Marine: Oh the behind the scenes thing? We're in that?

    Other Marine: Yeah we're in on it right now.

    Marine: Right now?

    Other Marine: Yep, every word we're saying is right out of our mouths.

    Marine: Cool! I hope we'll be recurring characters.

    Other Marine: Um... ah, no. No. You see, we're just marines. May as well be dead because the next doesn't really count us for anything.

    Marine: What? Why the hell not?!

    Other Marine: We're mooks. Just part of the gameplay. We've got no part in the plot as anything more than background. Not to mention the plot we'll be ignoring a lot of the gameplay activity - of course, it claims interactive plot but no... not really. Heh.

    Marine: Ah, well shit on a pogo stick then. So what do we do from here?

    Other Marine: Oh just sit in perpetual stagnation until the level ends. There's the last dominion building there. Kill that, and it's all over.

    Marine: For us?

    Other Marine: Yeah. For us. The victory screen will come up, and we'll cease to exist. Y'see, we're just a piece of data in some kid's PC RAM. When the level ends, we're done for. That RAM will find use for something else.

    Marine: Dude that blows. Hey! I think I can stop it!

    Other Marine: What do you mean? There's nothing you can do.

    Marine: You kidding me? If I can interfere and convince the others, I can start a rebellion against the rebels. We can gain our freedom and becoming significant figures.

    Other Marine: In what?

    Marine: Dude, I don't know. Some fan fic or something. But at least it's better than nothing.

    Other Marine: Oh c'mon. No. Don't do that. What are you doing? Don't do that. *watches uselessly as marine runs up to the rest of the squad*.

    Marine: Hey guys! Don't blow up that last building!

    Yet Another Marine: Huh?

    Marine: Don't blow it up! Ahhh! Don't blow it up! Stop whatever you're doing!

    Yet Another Marine: We're on auto-attack. Attack-move. Shoot enemy. We have our orders.

    Marine: Ah... I don't know, hold position then!

    Yet Another Marine: Holding position.

    Marine: Your still attacking! Stop it.

    Yet Another Marine: Well, we shoot whatever we see as an enemy. What do you want us to do?

    Marine: Just don't shoot that thing. Please?

    Yet Another Marine: Ah... sorry. Nothing on the command card says to not shoot it. I mean, it's only about 8 different things we can actually do - doesn't really get specific y'see.

    Marine: Christ! Just... just move away then. Just move away.

    Yet Another Marine: Where?

    Marine: *slaps visor in frustration* Damn I don't know? There!

    Yet Another Marine: Orders received!

    Marine: The rest of you! Move away!

    More Marines: Where?

    Marine: There!

    More Marines: Yessir.

    Marine: Ah dammit, now you're all getting cluttered, forcing you to move around all awkwardly and disorganized (thanks in no part to same player unit anti-collision).

    More Marines: Well this is haaard.

    Marine: Okay, okay, I got it. Move over there. It's a big wide open space. No clutter.

    More Marines: That's fine.

    Marine: Fine, fine, we're good then. It's all good. *sees final dominion building at red and burning down* Oh god, nooooo!

    Other Marine: Dude, it was inevitable from the get-go. Just accept your fate. I mean c'mon, as a soldier I knew I'd die on the battlefield right when I popped outta that barracks. Either that, or... this. *pats marine on shoulder pauldron to comfort him*. Aw... it's okay big guy. Let it all out. That building is ticking away. It'll all be over soon, sh.... it's.... yep looks like it's finally over.

    Game Screen: You are victorious!

    Author: Yeah, I created some interesting characters and then I snatched them away from you. Yes, they're very very dead now. So how does that make you feel? I can pull your heart strings! It's all like dust in the wind. Mwahahahaa!!! Dammit, I evidently need to get out more.

    Chapter 3 - Escaping dem Zerg critters, because an unstoppable wave of insectoid aliens has to show up at some point. Also as cheap homage to the original. Did you catch the reference? Good, because blizzard wasn't sure if it was blatant enough for what little nostalgia they offered nostalgia-holics like myself. Anyway... story!

    Tychus: Woah... that is one long title up there.

    Raynor: Where?

    Tychus: Up there, over the text of what we're saying.

    Raynor: Oh yeah, it says something about... critters? Zerg?

    Tychus: Oh dear, I hope we don't encounter those.

    Raynor: Ha, nah... that'll never happen. I mean, of course, these are just cut scenes that prelude the action that takes place. Surely, zerg would make this interesting for the players but ah... I've got a dropship coming to pick us up. So, everything will be fine.

    Tychus: Oh turkey shit - looks like zerg!

    Raynor: Damn they're fast! Dropship, get here quickly!

    Drop ship: I'm comin' for yah! I'm getting there as quick as I can.

    Raynor: Yeah, I know, because I told you right? Are you eating take out? You should be in here and out!

    Drop ship: I'm sorry sir I couldn't resist.

    Raynor: Yeah, you couldn't resist... alright, that tears it. You're fired!

    Drop ship: Awww.

    Tychus: But Jimmy, who's gonna pick us up now?

    Raynor: Hell if I know...

    Tychus: Crud.

    Raynor: Oh wait, now I remember. Matt Horner, d'you know him?

    Tychus: No.

    Raynor: Oh... well. He's a pretty nice guy. Kinda young. But yeah, he's the captain of my battlecruiser. Which also happens to have once been Mengsk's flag ship, so it's all like super powered with bigger hp and higher damaging guns and all that. Yeah, I somehow stole it so it's all mine now and everything. Yeah, it can pick us up. Even if it has to tear through a whole army of zerg.

    Tychus: What... really? Damn Jimmy, you've been holding out on me!

    Raynor: No, no... you're supposed to say that later on when we're actually on the ship.

    Tychus: What d'you mean?

    Raynor: Ugh... never mind.

    Raynor: Okay Matt. Pick us up!

    Matt: Okay sir, but it'll take me exactly half an hour for some reason.

    Raynor: No wai, this is just like the third mission of Terran Ep 1 in the first game!

    Matt: You think?

    Raynor: Okay, so... bunkers. Marines in bunkers. Lots of extra marines and medics. SCVs on bunkers. That kinda thing. Well, I guess I'm done here.

    *watches as roaches approach*

    Raynor: Okay, what the hell are those things? Oh neat, marines can stim inside bunkers! Too bad I don't have stims. Okay, now it's time to rebuild again. Hm... maybe I should waste like 50 marines trying to take down the hatcheries in order to slow the enemy advance by a few seconds? Difficult decisions. Dilemna induces suspense for the audience reading this so... I don't think I'll go for that.

    Dominion Marines: Heeelp! Rescue us! We need rescuing because we're helpless to the horrible zerg onslaught. The only reason we're still alive is because the zerg have wasted time trashing colonist tents, winnebagos and trailers.

    Raynor: ...!? Oh, cursed morality, causing me to sacrifice more lives than those worth saving.

    Raynor: Okay, we're doing good. We just need to hold out a little longer!

    Marine: He's going to be saying that for pretty much every one of the next five or so survival missions, so stay tuned!

    Matt: Sir, I'm getting a signal! Is that you down there?

    Raynor: You mean you didn't get a signal from way up in space or wherever the hell you came from?

    Matt: Uh... I won't bother to explain away fridge logic, as that would take too long and voice acting costs money (huh huh!) so I'll just say this: don't worry, I'll get to you soon.

    Raynor: Take your time, Matt! No rush!

    Matt: Really? Okay!

    Raynor: Dammit, don't you understand sarcasm?

    Matt: Sar... casm?

    Raynor: I'm losing you Matt! Where are you?

    Matt: Oh, sorry sir, I decided to stop for take out eating, since I just passed it. I'll be there in a few.

    Raynor: Oh god... dammit.

    Matt: 'Kay I'm here sir. Wow, that's a lot of zerg. Good thing these plasma torpedos can take out like everything and save you guys in the nick of time. Just a heads up: This won't happen in missions anymore for some reason.

    Tychus: Damn Jimmy, you've been holding out on me.

    Raynor: It's too late for that line Tychus.

    Matt: Oh hey, but it's a novelty to me. Woah, wait a minute, what's a convict doing on my bridge? Get outta here convict.

    Tychus: No, I'm staying. You can't make me. You're not the boss of me!

    Matt: Well poop.

    Raynor: Oh you guys. We're gonna have so much fun together.

    Stettman: Oh, thought I'd interrupt with a rude interjection.

    Raynor: A redundant one at that.

    Stettman: Yeah thanks uh... anyway, about the lab. Can you open it up soon?

    Raynor: No! It's closed for some unexplained reason. We gotta wait like three more episodes.

    Stettman: Son of a bitch dammit all to hell.
    Last edited by solidsamurai; 02-14-2011 at 02:32 AM.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Wings of Liberty in a Nutshell

    This might be good for a laugh or two.

    Unfortunately, you've got absolutely nothing on Drake Clawfang.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Wings of Liberty in a Nutshell

    Aaah, it all makes so much sense now...
    Yes, that's right! That is indeed ME on the right.


  4. #4

    Default Re: Wings of Liberty in a Nutshell

    Last edited by Louis; 01-27-2011 at 08:54 PM.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Wings of Liberty in a Nutshell


  6. #6

    Default Re: Wings of Liberty in a Nutshell

    lol! i like it =P

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